This rock we live on.

 Hang tight, this may bring forth emotions of any kind, including none at all. I believe I've discovered enough about this world to share my thoughts. I have found we are all pawns in God's chess game. These lots of time we are given and call life are ethereal. Too often existence takes priority, rather than life. Greed kills joy, but humility breeds a fulfilled life. Warm climate cultures have the right idea, working in their own time frame -untouched by the bondage in the form of a clock around their wrists. Technology that is meant to increase communication diminishes it. Love is the peak of life, although it is the most terrifying. The greatest risks give the highest rewards. Neve fear giving away your heart no matter how scarred it may be. Passion fuels your life, don't lose it. Do what you love, be where your heart is leading you. Being lost can either be a horror story or an adventure. You find yourself as you find your way. Use the journey to your advantage. Music is a language that is more powerful than any other. It bridges generation gaps, races, genders, and can unite people from all walks of life with the plucking of a string. Emotion is universal. Music is simply a way of expressing emotion that all can understand. Music is power, and in music, we find empowerment. Every person in every culture fights battles that seem like they're life and death. Know the difference between battles that appear difficult, and those that actually are. Wisdom is found in experience. Old souls are to be cherished. Empty things produce empty people. life is only found in truly living. When you can't see the bottom, you're where you're supposed to be. Dive in. Our lives are comprised of divinely orchestrated moments in which our Creator reaches out to us, asking that we recognize who He is and the Love that he offers. I think that when we're in situations that are too hard, too much, or too tough, we're exactly where we need to be- a place of recognizing that we are humans who are dependent on an intervention from God. We are broken people, who break others if we refuse to embrace that pain that we live and find healing. This rock we live on is hard. It's unforgiving, and will surely bruise your soul when you fall. But there is a way to get back up, a rope of faith extended to you. So grab hold. Receive help. Help others. Love. Love. Love. And don't be afraid to Live. That's what I think about this rock we live on. 

Empty people.

Empty things breed empty people. Food for thought. Finding myself in things "of the world" has not been very fulfilling thus far. Defining myself by the standards of others has also left me feeling as if I'm a disappointment. When we try to fill our lives with empty things- vanity, drinking, smoking, lust, even other people--- these things will hollow us out until we are nothing more than an empty shell of a human being.

Don't become distracted.

Focus on and fill yourself with the things of God. He is the only one who can remake empty individuals into whole people.

Jeremiah 2:1-8:

"The word of the Lord came to me: Go and announce directly to Jerusalem that this is what the Lord says:  "I remember the loyalty of your youth, your love as a bride- how you followed Me in the wilderness, in a land not sown. Israel was holy to the Lord, the first fruits of His harvest. All who ate of it found themselves guilty; disaster came on them." This is what the Lord Says.

Hear the word of the Lord, house of Jacob and all families of the house of Israel, This is what the Lord says:

What fault did your fathers find in Me? that they went so far from Me, followed worthless idols, and became worthless themselves? They stopped asking, "Where is the Lord who brought us from the land of Egypt, who led us through the wilderness, through a land of deserts and ravines, through a land of drought and darkness, a land no one traveled through and where no one lived?"

I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and bounty but after you entered, you defiled my land; you made My inheritance detestable. The priests quit asking "Where is the Lord?" The experts in the law no longer knew me, and the rulers rebelled against me. The prophets prophesied by Baal, and followed useless idols."

It has been quite some time since God's word has broken my heart. However, that's partially because it's been quite some time since I've read it faithfully and consistently. This post is as much for me as it is for those who come across this, and read it. In Jeremiah 2, we find Israel being accused of Apostasy. Apostasy is falling away, or as we call it here in Modern-Day American churches of the South, "Back-sliding". 

I've heard multitudes of sermons on backsliding, and heard more altar calls than I can count, regarding the falling away of believers. However, these annoy me more than words can describe. Not because of wrestling with conviction, but because our hearts behind these are often wrong. Often, it appears that when no one decides to come forward for a first time salvation commitment, we simply broaden our search for willing participants by including "back-sliding believers". This is done, opposed to having a heart for those who are struggling in the faith and need restoration and help working through their struggles as they make their way back home from a prodigal journey- no matter how big or small. They need restoration, not hugs after a prayer of semi-repentance (but mainly an emotionally driven and guilt filled apology). 

In Jeremiah 2, we find a heartbroken God. He is remembering a time when Israel really loved and adored Him. The phrase loyalty of your youth comes from the Hebrew word "chesed" for loyalty. It speaks of the "loving-kindness, or unfailing devotion" that Israel once showed to her bridegroom, The Lord. 

God speaks of a time in His relationship with Israel where she followed Him wherever He would go. She did not hesitate to spend time in the wilderness with Him, alone and content. She did not run from God, and the places that Yahweh would take her. 

There is typically a time like this in the life of each believer. That type of zeal that burns in a person fresh from conversion, realizing the goodness of God for the first time, DRIVES their trust in God. They are full of trust, and can be bewildered by the smallest of things when it comes to the Father. Somewhat like when a little girl is amazed by blowing bubbles. Everything has beauty. 

So why do we lose it? The miracles of God and His interactions with mankind do not become any less miraculous. We simply become desensitized to God's Spirit and His ways of working. We slowly drift into lives of occupied minds and hearts enthroned by business. We relinquish the desire to partake in spiritual discipline, and trade in times of eating spiritual food for gaining earthly success found in working out of our own strength. God clearly asks Jeremiah in verse five , "What fault did your fathers find in Me that they went so far from Me, followed worthless idols, and became worthless themselves?"

What is it in us that screams out God is unworthy of my devotion and what pushes me to allow the useless and harmful idols of men and this world to define me rather than my creator? WHY DO WE WALK AWAY? Sin. Sickness in the heart that poisons the entire body, the heart, and the soul. Sin that we allow to take root rather than bringing light to it, confessing it, holding ourselves accountable to both God and man, and moving past it. The tragedy of falling away from the faith is not in falling away or participating in sin. The tragedy is leaving a perfect God, who is completely good, and trading it for perfect emptiness that is wholly bad. 

We leave Him wondering why we can't see his worth. When we walk away, we are saying to a perfect God that He is not good enough for our worship. When we view God through a filter of ourselves and see Him as who we think He is, we are not able to see the true character of God. We miss a God who is worthy of everything we have to give, and so much more. We miss the fact that this Creator of the Universe is perfect in all His ways. His definition of good for us is greater than our perception of good for ourselves. The only way for us to prevent ourselves from walking away from God is to see Him in His true light. To see Him through scripture, in truth, for who He truly is.

When we understand the greatness of God, all that He is, we will have no choice but to follow Him. We will see a Savior who is worth devoting our lives to. The crime is in apostasy is not giving up when "the going gets tough" or not being able to cling to God through trials and tribulation. The sin is found in not understanding who God is, and trading the Creator for creations of our own hands.


I understand it is difficult to continue to walk in relationship with the Lord. The entire world seeks to distract you from faith and fill you with doubt. It wants every part of you, and will leave you empty. Take it from someone who recently took a journey away from the father, and found herself back in the footsteps of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).  Apostasy seems to be the habit of the children of God, but I challenge you-- The next time you notice yourself falling or walking away from God intentionally. Ask yourself what is it that seems so great? What fulfillment will you find in the guilt of giving in to temptation? What wholeness will you find at the empty bottle of whiskey? Will you actually feel more loved after you watch pornography? What reward will you have in breaking the heart of someone who has wronged you? Will these temptations actually bring something more to your life that you've been searching for? Will filling yourself with empty things fill the emptiness you experience daily?

The answer is no. Don't fall away, don't slide backwards, Press on. Be accountable. Live a life worthy of the calling of Jesus Christ. Do not trade a perfect God for a life of heartache. If you're thinking that there is something wrong with God, examine your heart. The problem is typically going to be your perspective. Accept that He is a God who does not make mistakes. 

Jesus was not beaten to be your boyfriend who is whipped....

BUCKLE UP. Hypocrite Rant coming your way.

Okay. So here's the thing. I understand God has a plan for our lives. Scripture tells us that. He has called us to be in fellowship with Him, to look like His Son, Jesus. We are called to be transformed, to walk in the Light of God. To Know Him, and to make Him known.

BUT I'm tired of hearing people whine about not knowing God's direction for their lives. They spend HOURS AND WEEKS AND EVEN MONTHS laboring in prayer over which college to attend, or what career to go into. I'm sorry, this sounds blunt. But God does not care which college you go to. He is not going to stop the earth from spinning to send you in a different direction. Things like this are your choice. He has placed certain passions in each of us. He doesn't expect for us to do something for the rest of our lives that will make us miserable. God designed us to give Him glory. In whatever sphere of influence you have, you are to bring Glory to the Father. As long as you're doing that, in relationship with God, and showing the character of God to those you encounter in your life, God is pleased. He is satisfied with you without you leaving your desire for an engineering degree to pack up and move to Yemen to edify the underground church.

STOP STRESSING. LOVE GOD, LOVE PEOPLE. The rest will work out. 

I'm completely over the "Jesus is my boyfriend" type of thinking too. Ladies, we need to get it together. Stop treating Jesus as if he's your date that you're excited for. This man was brutally murdered for you. Yes, He is passionately in love with you, but He is not wrapped around your finger, whipped by your demanding tendencies, and bowing at your feet. 

Harsh, sure. 

True, YES. 

Stop treating Jesus as your doormat. He's the Messiah. The savior of the universe. He's the Sovereign Lord, Creator of all things. 

His flesh was not shredded by Romans so that you could "Kiss Dating Goodbye", use Jesus as an excuse to enter and exit relationships as you choose, and treat the King of Kings as your boyfriend who is whipped. 

.........WHAT HAPPENED TO FEARING GOD? 

Don't sin kids, stay in school.

I'm great at blogging. SIKE. I constantly forget. However, it's not like this blog is the only thing I forget about. I often forget to live. (No, I don't forget to exist, just to allow myself to feel alive).

These last few months have been horrid. No doubt. I've been running from God, letting friendships slip through my fingertips, and just not caring.

I dreaded my hair. Well, only six sections of it.

I started playing guitar, maybe to express myself, maybe to feel better, I don't know.

I'm still taking Biology. I hate this class.

I would like to get back to where I was spiritually. But hopefully this time, I'll not have the desire to run from God. Sin sucks. It really, really sucks. It seems fun, but it just rips my heart out. Consecutively. Every time, without fail.

Don't sin kids. Stay in school.

Deuces.

Actions against God, and the Burden I should feel.

"Lord of Hosts, God of Israel, who is enthroned above the cherubim, You are God-- You alone-- of all the kingdoms of the earth. You made the heavens and the earth. Listen closely, Lord, and hear; open your eyes, Lord, and see.Hear all the words that Sennacherib has sent to mock the living God. Lord it is true that the kings of Assyria have devastated all these countries and their lands. They have thrown their gods into the fire, for they were not gods but made by human hands== wood and stone,. So you have destroyed them. Now Lord our God, save us from his power so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You are the LORD, You alone." Isaiah 37: 16-20.

If only I had the heart of Hezekiah, who was burdened by the offensive words that were spoken against his God.

I think so often that I allow mockery to take place, blaming it too often on worldliness. I allow my friends, and even family to mock the name of God. Whether intentional, it happens often. I'm not just talking about using the Lord's name in vain. I'm saying they blatantly make the sacrifice and blood of Jesus a joke. They make the Word of God their doormat. Walking over the person of truth, directly into the arms of sin and death. How selfish am I to not stop them?!!?! If not vocally, in prayer! Why am I not interceding for those who mock my God?! Why am I not earnestly seeking God, asking him to show himself to them?

1 Corinthians 1:18-25: "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but it is God's power to us who are being saved.For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and I will set aside the understanding of the experts. Where is the philosopher? Where is the scholar? Where is the debater of this age? Hasn't God made the world's wisdom foolish? For since, in God's wisdom, the world did not know God through wisdom, God was pleased to save those who believe through the foolishness of the message preached. For the Jews ask for signs and the Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to the Jews and a foolishness to the Gentiles. Yet to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is God's power and God's wisdom, because God's foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and God's weakness is stronger than human strength."


Sure, those around me may have education. They may be exalted for wisdom in this world, and sure I may appear foolish when trying to witness the truth of Christ, and him crucified. But if I don't show them, if I don't tell them, if I don't labor in prayer for them, then who will? Who will intercede for my loved  ones? Who will bring them to have a heart felt understanding and life transforming encounter with the truest wisdom, the glory of God found in Christ Jesus, if I don't?



I don't want to see my friends  have such a heavy and weighty knowledge of the world and it's ways that they are pulled straight into the deepest pits of hell.

Let's Catch Up.

Wow, so I totally forgot this thing existed. My bad. It's certainly been a while. My life has changed drastically since the last time I posted.. and this is just going to be a random recap of the last ten(ish) months in the totally crazy life of Allie Mills. So, September I can't even remember. I know some great stuff probably happened. Hold up, yeah, Great stuff did happen. Charles Carrin came to the Inn (Christian Training Center International). I was reunited with an amazing woman, Carol, who I was blessed to stay with and get to know in the Dominican Republic last summer. She totally blessed my socks off!

November: I don't know what happened here at all. It got cold, I was taking way too many classes and working my butt off. Ohhhhh yeah. I gave a talk on the story of the Prodigal son at chrysalis in november. I got to spend the weekend with an amazing community full of people, be a table leader for the first time, and love on some new friends. I shared the depths of my testimony to a ton of people, which I had only shared with one person previously. It was amazing. God did such a work that weekend!

December: Christmas is hereeee. So is baby Jesus. Just kidding. Yeah, this month is also a  blur. Most of this time was just  spent longing to be somewhere else. I wasted quite a few months with my left in other places. The trees in Manoboa, the hearts of orphans I've yet to meet, a group of interns that I miss like crazy, and a boy.

January: I brought in the new year in Kansas City, Missouri,  at the International House of Prayer. Talk about crazy amazing! I ended 2012 encountering the Living God, and started the year in the same way!!


February: This month was spent running from the father's heart for me. Spent some time working through old hurts. I spent alot of time denying the healing that had already been provided for them. To make it even worse, I lost one of my best friends on February 22nd. Justin was killed in a car accident, leaving me with a giant hole in my heart.

March: I gave a talk on Christian growth through study. Then I turned 18. I bought my first lottery ticket, and it was no longer special. Still numb from loss, and angry at the world. I had a brief relationship, what a waste of timeeee. hahaha. But really. I mean I tried, I just wasn't capable of dating.

April : I spent this month blowing off all responsibility and screwing up my future. I started hanging out with some not so great friends, not doing any work in school, forget about reading my word outside of church. That was unheard of during this 30 days. I was frustrated... I hated being in my own skin. Anxiety took over, depression lingered.


May: Well, This has been an eventful month. I failed my biology class (reference April for my self justification). So, I've started a summer class. I finished High school, graduated with an associates degree, (which I will receive in the mail post completion of Conceptual Physics), started working full time alongside a part time job, and have realized I have no idea what to do with my life in the future. So there it is.


This is me. Currently.

Allie Mills. 18 years old. Uncertain about the future.
Certain about only one thing: God is faithful when I am faithless.