Actions against God, and the Burden I should feel.

"Lord of Hosts, God of Israel, who is enthroned above the cherubim, You are God-- You alone-- of all the kingdoms of the earth. You made the heavens and the earth. Listen closely, Lord, and hear; open your eyes, Lord, and see.Hear all the words that Sennacherib has sent to mock the living God. Lord it is true that the kings of Assyria have devastated all these countries and their lands. They have thrown their gods into the fire, for they were not gods but made by human hands== wood and stone,. So you have destroyed them. Now Lord our God, save us from his power so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You are the LORD, You alone." Isaiah 37: 16-20.

If only I had the heart of Hezekiah, who was burdened by the offensive words that were spoken against his God.

I think so often that I allow mockery to take place, blaming it too often on worldliness. I allow my friends, and even family to mock the name of God. Whether intentional, it happens often. I'm not just talking about using the Lord's name in vain. I'm saying they blatantly make the sacrifice and blood of Jesus a joke. They make the Word of God their doormat. Walking over the person of truth, directly into the arms of sin and death. How selfish am I to not stop them?!!?! If not vocally, in prayer! Why am I not interceding for those who mock my God?! Why am I not earnestly seeking God, asking him to show himself to them?

1 Corinthians 1:18-25: "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but it is God's power to us who are being saved.For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and I will set aside the understanding of the experts. Where is the philosopher? Where is the scholar? Where is the debater of this age? Hasn't God made the world's wisdom foolish? For since, in God's wisdom, the world did not know God through wisdom, God was pleased to save those who believe through the foolishness of the message preached. For the Jews ask for signs and the Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to the Jews and a foolishness to the Gentiles. Yet to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is God's power and God's wisdom, because God's foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and God's weakness is stronger than human strength."


Sure, those around me may have education. They may be exalted for wisdom in this world, and sure I may appear foolish when trying to witness the truth of Christ, and him crucified. But if I don't show them, if I don't tell them, if I don't labor in prayer for them, then who will? Who will intercede for my loved  ones? Who will bring them to have a heart felt understanding and life transforming encounter with the truest wisdom, the glory of God found in Christ Jesus, if I don't?



I don't want to see my friends  have such a heavy and weighty knowledge of the world and it's ways that they are pulled straight into the deepest pits of hell.

Let's Catch Up.

Wow, so I totally forgot this thing existed. My bad. It's certainly been a while. My life has changed drastically since the last time I posted.. and this is just going to be a random recap of the last ten(ish) months in the totally crazy life of Allie Mills. So, September I can't even remember. I know some great stuff probably happened. Hold up, yeah, Great stuff did happen. Charles Carrin came to the Inn (Christian Training Center International). I was reunited with an amazing woman, Carol, who I was blessed to stay with and get to know in the Dominican Republic last summer. She totally blessed my socks off!

November: I don't know what happened here at all. It got cold, I was taking way too many classes and working my butt off. Ohhhhh yeah. I gave a talk on the story of the Prodigal son at chrysalis in november. I got to spend the weekend with an amazing community full of people, be a table leader for the first time, and love on some new friends. I shared the depths of my testimony to a ton of people, which I had only shared with one person previously. It was amazing. God did such a work that weekend!

December: Christmas is hereeee. So is baby Jesus. Just kidding. Yeah, this month is also a  blur. Most of this time was just  spent longing to be somewhere else. I wasted quite a few months with my left in other places. The trees in Manoboa, the hearts of orphans I've yet to meet, a group of interns that I miss like crazy, and a boy.

January: I brought in the new year in Kansas City, Missouri,  at the International House of Prayer. Talk about crazy amazing! I ended 2012 encountering the Living God, and started the year in the same way!!


February: This month was spent running from the father's heart for me. Spent some time working through old hurts. I spent alot of time denying the healing that had already been provided for them. To make it even worse, I lost one of my best friends on February 22nd. Justin was killed in a car accident, leaving me with a giant hole in my heart.

March: I gave a talk on Christian growth through study. Then I turned 18. I bought my first lottery ticket, and it was no longer special. Still numb from loss, and angry at the world. I had a brief relationship, what a waste of timeeee. hahaha. But really. I mean I tried, I just wasn't capable of dating.

April : I spent this month blowing off all responsibility and screwing up my future. I started hanging out with some not so great friends, not doing any work in school, forget about reading my word outside of church. That was unheard of during this 30 days. I was frustrated... I hated being in my own skin. Anxiety took over, depression lingered.


May: Well, This has been an eventful month. I failed my biology class (reference April for my self justification). So, I've started a summer class. I finished High school, graduated with an associates degree, (which I will receive in the mail post completion of Conceptual Physics), started working full time alongside a part time job, and have realized I have no idea what to do with my life in the future. So there it is.


This is me. Currently.

Allie Mills. 18 years old. Uncertain about the future.
Certain about only one thing: God is faithful when I am faithless.

My legs are tired, I'm sick of running.

       I've been finding that I love the world way too much. I always think that I'm not conforming to the ways of the world. However, I'm still conforming. Just because I'm not drinking and smoking, or out sleeping around, doesn't mean that I'm resisting the ways of the world. I find myself listening to the music of the world, lusting in the way of the world, thinking the way the world thinks, viewing people the way the world does, and it's not okay. It's not healthy. I miss the old person, who I once was,  way too often. That girl is dead. It's not that I desire to live my old life again, because that's a life of death. It looks much more fun from the outside... When you're actually living it, it's not nearly as great as it appears. Sometimes, I hate being trapped in my mind. I hate that my flesh still desires things of this world. I wish I could say that Christ is the ONLY thing that I desired, but if I did, I'd be lying to you, and myself. I still get distracted by silly things in life. I choose to watch romance movies, and wish for relationships that probably will never happen. I sit there and fill myself with these images of what love is, false pictures of what God has for me, basically, emotional porn. I choose to connect with people and movies and books instead of connecting with a very real and passionate God. I choose things that will bring temporary satisfaction, and then leave me empty, instead of choosing a God who is the Fulfillment of my existence.

    I feel like the Prodigal son. But one that hasn't learned her lesson yet. It's almost like leaving, and coming home is a daily thing for me. I don't want it to be that way. I wake up, and am satisfied. Then, give it two hours, and I don't even recognize myself from what I've done, to where I've been, to what I've said, or thought.. much more with my thought life. And then, I realize how dirty I am, and I return home. Dad always greets me with open arms, and tears on his face. I repent. I try to do better, and I do for a while. Then I catch my heart running away again. I'm not sure what to do. My spirit clings to God, my flesh runs from him. I'm torn. Frustrated, and torn. All I know to do, is to keep coming home. People may not get that, but it's my only option. To keep confessing, to keep seeking, to keep praying, and to keep chasing God. Eventually, I believe that the Spirit of God within me will help me conquer my flesh. Especially in the little ways. It's not always the common mistakes that trip me up. I may not be partying, or cussing, or whatever else you consider to be ungodly. It's the small things, like my thoughts, my getting distracted by others, and my surroundings, when I don't listen openly for God's voice, etc. God is working on it. I want to be better, I want to get better! He'll have to help me though, because I can't do this on my own. My legs are tired, and I'm sick of running.

Humility is found on Pons Hill

    So a ton of people have been asking about my summer. Sorry I haven't been blogging this summer, things have been CRAZY. The past two months is still a bit of a blur. God did amazing things! I'm actually sitting in the same spot that I sat when filling out my application for my internship at the Inn. I asked my mom, she said no. I prayed about it, Larry called me, God changed my mom's heart, and then I had to raise $1400, and money for spending, and get a passport in two months. I started praying, and within a week God started sending the money.
My grandma paid for my passport, the money all came in, and the Dominican Republic Mission Trip (The Extra Mile Challenge) was happening.  God blew my mind at the Inn this summer. Our first day there, we ran Pons Hill. I went there to be challenged, humbled, and to go somewhere that I wouldn't be treated differently than everyone else. People in my life put me on a level that isn't accurate. They assume that I can't make mistakes, and that I'm invincible. At the Inn, I was like everyone else. I was an intern, who was there to grow. I found my humility the first time I ran Pons. And it continued to develop throughout the summer. A healthier way of seeing myself. I am worth so much in the eyes of Christ. However, the key is not how much I am worth-- It's how much he is worth. When I truly began to grasp the true value of Jesus, His life, and His love, the way I saw myself and others began to balance out. They are now held at a higher esteem than myself. He is so valuable, and I am so humbled to know that He found me, little me, worth dying for.

Sorry if some of this is scatter-brained. I'm still processing, and have so much random stuff going on in my head. If you want some of the details of what I did this summer, I.E. hiking mountains (one blindfolded) , white water rafting, iron-chef challenges, slacklining, Mall of Georgia Evangelism, Heroes of Today Program, Intercessory prayer, songwriting, etc. , then hit me up! I'd love to share some of what the Lord has done this summer.

God is like a GPS. You're completely dependent, or else you're lost.

I will get where I'm headed in due time. Here lately, I have been thinking alot about my future. Where to go to college, what I'm going to do as a profession, what to do in the meantime, etc. I have prayed since I gave my life to the Lord for his will to be done in my life. However, I often find myself spending more time asking for God's will to fall into my lap, rather than going out and doing his will. His will is for us to love others as He has loved us, and for us to allow Him to love us in the way that He wants to- Not the way we want him to. When God loves, he consumes. His love breaks down all barriers, hang-ups, chains, and insecurities. God's love floods the hearts of those who let him in. In his love, he gives us Grace. Grace is not the same thing as favor though. Grace is the empowerment to do what we cannot do on our own. It's room to breathe, it's a relationship in which you don't have to walk around on eggshells. You know that God is for you, and not against you.

God holds all of my days, and he gives me the very breath I breathe. I so often forget how much attention He pays to the details of my life. Psalm 139 says he knows my down sitting and my uprising. Know what that means? It means God keeps up with me. He's not off somewhere in the dark, having no idea as to what I'm going through. He's right there, by my side, watching and taking part in my life. He's guiding my steps, and making my paths plain because I have put my trust in Him (Proverbs 3).

So, who am I to doubt God's ability to get me where I need to go? His proveniente grace is before us, preparing our way. Even when we feel like we're wondering around in the middle of the desert, God is forming us through the wondering. It is not always a bad thing. It's kind of like depending on a GPS. When you're not sure where you're going, and you're completely dependent on turn by turn directions. Sometimes, He says turn left. Sometimes, he hands you a map. It all depends on the place of your Journey, as well as your destination. Either way, know that if God simply hands you a map, he's taught you how to read it. Think outside of the box, stay faithful in prayer, and continue to endure.

Struggling Sheep, Hitting A Brick Wall.

I've been extremely frustrated spiritually in the past few weeks. I feel like I'm in a rut, and I don't know how to get out of it. I've been struggling in prayer, in the desire for the word, and just over all in fellowship with other believers. God has been doing something in me that isn't easy. He's been shedding light into the dark crevices of my heart. He has been cleaning out all the junk, and teaching me again how much i need him and his Grace. I struggle so much with self- sufficiency, as if i could ever be sufficient. hahaha. Wow. That will never happen. Unfortunately, my flesh doesn't realize that. I'm sucked dry emotionally, I've let little things creep in and distract me. From what? I'm not really sure. This isn't like before where i felt something was hindering me from witnessing, or from doing what i needed to do. This is different. Things have been distracting me from being still. I feel like i have to be doing something ALL THE TIME. God doesn't want that for me right now. He showed me that i was like clay, trying to throw itself off the wheel because I didn't want to wait for the Potter to mold me. Spiritual Suicide. That's what I've been doing. I have refused to let God work in me, because I don't want to take the down time to get to know him better. How dumb is that? UGH. I'm definitely a struggling sheep, who feels like she's hitting a brick wall. But, I'll get through it. Sorry,

Rant over.

You never know.

Sometimes, we feel like God loves us. Sometimes, we don't. Today I saw what the lack of knowing God's love can do to someone. Not understanding God's love can leave holes in your faith bigger than your faith itself. One of the foundational things we build our lives around as Christians is the fact of God's love. The word says God's love is unfailing. A scripture that has been on my heart lately is Song of Solomon 2:4. His banner over me is LOVE. Know what that means? It means that God places a sign over me, a sign of his love. A sign that he has invested his heart in me. His love hovers over me, for all the world to see. Not understanding that his love doesn't fade, disappear with my wrongdoing, falter every time i fail, or change with the weather is hard. It's a love unlike one the world has ever known. It's hard to adjust to the idea that you can be accepted as you are. Loved for everything you are right at this moment. With every sin, every hurt, every scar that hasn't healed, and every dark part of you. God loves the good, the bad, and the ugly. As you are, this second. You are loved unconditionally.

Now that we've established that, I want to personally ask you to pray for God's love to rule over your heart, mind, soul, and life. Today I witnessed what a lack of love can do to someone. It can hurt. Even drive them to a point of suicide. When we aren't fulfilling our roles as the body of Christ, it hinders people from seeing God's love for them. It begins with us, and our relationship with Jesus. However, if we never do anything with that love that has been given to us, then what is the point? Do we really think that the purpose of this life is to master sonship and neglect brotherhood? If so, you need to read the word a little more. Life is not about us. It's about allowing Christ to reach out to others through us, in order to bring them into relationship with the Father. This is what it's about. Bringing others to the Father's love.

Tonight, I pray that God's love would be revealed to you in a new way. That you would be engulfed in his presence, and overwhelmed with a sense of confidence in Christ. May God give you the boldness to be his hands and feet, and a funnel of his love into the dry hearts of the broken. I pray blessings over you, and an extra measure of Love and compassion to be added unto your spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.

Be blessed, and never be scared to reach out. You never know who needs it the most.