I've been extremely frustrated spiritually in the past few weeks. I feel like I'm in a rut, and I don't know how to get out of it. I've been struggling in prayer, in the desire for the word, and just over all in fellowship with other believers. God has been doing something in me that isn't easy. He's been shedding light into the dark crevices of my heart. He has been cleaning out all the junk, and teaching me again how much i need him and his Grace. I struggle so much with self- sufficiency, as if i could ever be sufficient. hahaha. Wow. That will never happen. Unfortunately, my flesh doesn't realize that. I'm sucked dry emotionally, I've let little things creep in and distract me. From what? I'm not really sure. This isn't like before where i felt something was hindering me from witnessing, or from doing what i needed to do. This is different. Things have been distracting me from being still. I feel like i have to be doing something ALL THE TIME. God doesn't want that for me right now. He showed me that i was like clay, trying to throw itself off the wheel because I didn't want to wait for the Potter to mold me. Spiritual Suicide. That's what I've been doing. I have refused to let God work in me, because I don't want to take the down time to get to know him better. How dumb is that? UGH. I'm definitely a struggling sheep, who feels like she's hitting a brick wall. But, I'll get through it. Sorry,
Rant over.
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