I'm Great at Confession, and I Suck at Repentance.

Surely there is a difference between worldly guilt and godly sorrow. I have been reflecting recently on repentance. We as Christians so often mistake true repentance for a guilt filled emotional experience resulting in minor  lifestyle modifications (sometimes none at all). From my understanding of scripture, which is exponentially small compared to some, repentance comes first from understanding God's goodness. It is in the sight if His mercy that we see our shortcoming. If it were not for a glimpse of love, we would not notice the lack of love in our hearts and our treatment of others. Without knowing first who you have sinned against, it is difficult to understand why it is sin at all. The breaking of a set of rules, or of a moral code is very different from realizing that you are committing sin against a perfect God who loves you more than you can fathom.

I've come to realize that I'm great at confession. I'm even great at public confession. Letting the world know that I'm not perfect, that I struggle, and when it comes to fighting the desires of my flesh I often lose (well, I'm working on it. I still hate showing weakness in any capacity, unless it secretly means strength. Hello false humility).  However, what I'm finding, is being great at confession has nothing to do with repentance. I confess all day long, but I do not turn from my sin. I ask for forgiveness, but mostly just because I hate the weight of guilt and Self-condemnation. When it comes to things I've actually repented for- changing both thinking and actions, the list is short. This next quote is by Leonard Ravenhill.


"There are only two kinds of persons: those dead in sin and those dead to sin."


As much as I wish I was a person who was completely dead to sin, I am not. In fact, if I didn't love my sin, why would I be partaking in it? If I did not place the desires of my flesh above God's desire for my life, this wouldn't be an issue.  What does that even mean? Is the Word of God not supposed to change my appetites? Or am I even in the Word enough to allow that to happen? Am I so hardened to the voice of God that I am satisfied with a salvation comprised of wailing in "repentance" only to continue in the same thought patterns, actions, and blatant sin?  


I'm not sure what all of this means for me at this moment. I am, however, sure that I'm sick of giving my heart to the world to be devoured, and giving my attention to idols. I wish God would speed up this transformation process just a bit, giving me a heart of repentance. Of true Godly sorrow. All things in their time, I suppose. 

For now, 

Al.